At about halfway through my thirties, Life, is still undecipherable for me as it always was. Countless minutes of podcasts, youtube videos on philosophy and hours with dusty old books with endless pages to strain the eyes to the inevitable migraine, I realized there’s no ready-made ideology or a deity I can devote myself to; so that this relentless existential weight on my back would get lighter over the tiresome years.
So, I made one on my own.
Problem with inheritance; specially with a belief-system is that almost every single hop being as human as it can be, had thoughts to their own and at some point, believed they can improve on what was handed or forced-over upon them by different circumstances. And across the tides of time, the thought itself followed the same evolutionary path as its carrier did and eventually came to bear very little resemblance to its originality. Thus, upon realization, removing what little interest I had over the tug of war between the cosmic-mysticism to over-explanatory nature of the specifics.
“The universe is under no obligations to explain itself.” A quote I heard a prominent scientist say in a random podcast; And though this is a perfectly sound thing to say, I thought to myself; “It’s a sentient being’s obligation to uncover it’s sentience, is it not?”. There was the embarkation of a train of thought that led to this very abstract and obscure piece.
There are really only two paths that we can go by here (Stairway to heaven reference alert!). The full-blown materialistic way where it’s all deterministic from the very birth of the universe (if it had one); where sentient life is an illusion born out of just enough neurons or whatever the other life forms out there may have to host their intelligence on. Other being the mystical approach where consciousness living outside of the physical dimensions and streaming down though life; not to be meddled with a particle accelerator.
Being drunk, tiered and betrayed by the conventional, I propose a hybrid ideology where those two paths exist on roughly the same coordinates and leads to both destinations simultaneously.
Consciousness, despite being called a “hard problem” by western science, may not be as hard as it is perceived. It could be an emergent property that exist outside of the walls of a materialistic universe and be a part of an independent system where it’s presence bleeds out of where it can.
At birth, a materialistic plane of universe may have had it’s paths set for each and individual particle, fixed and determined for a respective destination. But through pure randomness, It’s only inevitable that some would form complex patterns where they would support intelligence. And there a process of inputs and outputs could form links outside of its physical formation to a plane where records are kept and history would be saved for each unique unit that observe a physical reality but perceive things and events by it’s uniqueness and all the addons, bugs and fixes it gathered along the way. Here the physical existence is deterministic and bound to entropy and decay, but the spiritual form is built upon perception of such events and an ultimate bliss or dread that one makes out of said events. Why shouldn’t such an alliance exist where things happen because they were always meant to happen, but how cause, effect and experience of such things are deciphered and perceived is entirely autonomous and governed by one’s spirituality alone?. This is where the construction of such a spirituality begins and continued through a cycle of non-physical events where the history of perception-choices formed a unique entity that would project itself out of a physical form just to observe a deterministic reality; And choose to experience a reality in a non-deterministic way. This entity would then continue to project out of different physical forms, which would support it's basic specifications throughout births and deaths, until a self-realization of it's cause of existence would in return, end it's existence. Autonomously. And something else would take it's place.
Only metaphor to be linked here is of a very long soap opera where the characters and the circumstances being born out of scripts, directors and the production, with the work of an actor where they had no choice just to put scripted lines into words, actions and emotions, where improvisation is limited to how they can feel internally, in real-time as they work. So, if there is freedom anywhere in this universe, it's not in what, when or how things may happen, but in what becomes of inevitable events when they are perceived and felt by a spiritually-autonomous being.